Does the idea of the holidays stress you out? Despite all the happy songs about peace, love and goodwill to man, the truth of the matter is that the holidays can bring out the best and worst in us. In my consulting business, I have helped many clients deal with going home for the holidays. While we may love the idea of sitting around the table with our loved ones, we often forget that some of the people that we see once or twice a year, really get on our nerves. However, the good news is that it is possible to have a happy and positive holiday season, no matter whom you end up spending with. What’s the secret to success? It is all in the attitude. You have to remember to think in terms of energy and recognize the creative influence you do have over the details of what you experience. Thinking in terms of energy enables you to start examining what kinds of experiences you expect to have during the holidays, and will help to illuminate the role you play in the way people treat you.
You simply have to remember that your thoughts are a very powerful form of energy that are vibrating and attracting more thoughts with similar frequencies. In the world of energy there is a universal law of attraction that says Like attracts Like. So, the more you think certain thoughts the more they begin to have an influence on what you experience and the relationships you have with the people in your life. If you have not been thinking about something for too long, it tends not to have too much magnetic pulling power, and you may not notice the effects of it in your life right away. But some of the thoughts and beliefs systems you hold about your family, and the people you spend the holidays with, you have had for a very long time, and so they have a big impact on your life.
For instance, if you meet someone who is obnoxious in the grocery store, and you find him or her rather irritating, you tend not to let it bother you too much. You know that you can walk out of the store and leave them far behind. But its not so easy when you have to sit down to dinner next your Uncle Harold who drinks too much, or Your Aunt Betsy who constantly asks you why you aren’t married or why you don’t have children yet. Or perhaps you have to hear about some embarrassing story from high school that you can’t believe people are still talking about. Or, maybe you are consistently relegated to the children’s table every year and have to sit scrunched at the card table where you can’t cross your legs or the whole table will topple over! Whatever the perceived indignity or irritation, it is possible to enjoy yourself no matter what the external conditions may be, or who you may be spending the holidays with.
But here is what usually goes wrong with so many of us. The energy of your thoughts and belief systems are like the radio station in your car. Whenever you get into your car and turn on the radio, it is still tuned into the radio station you last listened to. So when you go home for the holidays, you tune into old thoughts and beliefs and sort of pick up right where you last left them. That is what happens when you go home for the holidays and are surprised to find yourself acting in a way that you haven’t been in years. Often it seems that despite your best intentions you reenact old dynamics and issues, that you may not experienced since the last time you went home. Sometimes you may feel powerless to do anything about it and it almost feels as if this happens in spite of your best intentions. That is why you have to become mindful of what you are intending. It does not matter if you are focusing on what you want to happen, or what you don’t want to happen, it is still the same issue and no matter what, if you are focusing on it, it will be reenacted this year like clockwork!
Now it may be tempting to blame those around you and think “Well if they didn’t treat me this way, I would not act this way as a consequence.” But if someone is bothering you or treating you in way you do not care for, remember that you are in charge of the radio station that that is your life, and you are always emitting the signals that determine what you attract back into your experience. If you want to experience something different, you have to start broadcasting different signals. Long before you arrive at these holiday get-togethers, you have to line your energy up and determine what you want to focus your energy on, and what radio station you want to tune into. You can actually be proactive. Since you know what you have endured in years past, you now have a template for creating what you would like to happen this year that is different. But here is the challenge. You have to look for what you want to see, instead of what you expect to see and observe. This takes practice so don’t wait till a few minutes before you arrive, or you won’t have build up much momentum in a new direction.
You still have a few weeks to prepare for the holidays. So, every day spend about ten minutes thinking about the people you will spend the holidays with. Then, write three things about each person that you sincerely and genuinely like. No matter how compelling their personalities are, or the reasons you have for dreading interacting with them, find something that you can honestly say about them that is positive. Why? Because you get what you focus on - whether you want it or not. So you have to tune into what you want to experience with each one of these people. You have enormous creative influence and can actually learn to elicit from people the kind of energy you want to feel from them. It does not matter who they are or how long you have known them. You will only receive what you expect to receive, or what you tune into. Most of the way we connect with one and other has just become habitual.
It is your job to manage the energy of your mind and determine how YOU want to connect with the people around you. If you do this, something amazing will happen inside of you. You will actually feel quite peaceful and loving, because you are only finding and eliciting the best from people. When you realize that YOU created this change, you will feel even more loving and peaceful which paves the way for future interactions and exchanges. You might even realize that you are finally experiencing what the holidays are supposed to evoke from us, peace on earth and goodwill to man no matter who you have to spend them with!
You may be thinking that I don’t know your family and that what I’m suggesting you do is next to impossible. Well, you don’t know my family and I guess you’ll have to trust me on this one. If I can do this – anyone can! It is The Season of Miracles, why not experience one of your own?
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